NecromanceR

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

i'm here... alone at nite in my bedrm...
juz cried after a fone conversation wif ben...
it's not that he was harsh to me or anything...
juz felt lonely and empty while talking to him...
long pauses.... can't help bt to think...
is this the endin of our relationship?
nothing left to say... nothing at all...
all that's left is an awkward silence...
too much left unsaid and too much history repeating...
though said it out and tried to resolve them...
problems are always there...
Seemed to be an invisible wall between us...
mayb... i'm not suitable for relationship...
demanding too much... i dunno...
it's juz that my heart is breaking and i'm tired of crying...

din msg ben the whole day... and suddenly realised...
he won't msg me in the middle of day juz to ask how am I...
can't blame him... it's his busy day today... i knew even if i msg him...
he won't reply....
but was quite sad that after he got off frm work...
still no msg... and I must always be the one to msg him...
mayb he's too tired to talk me... rite?
or mayb... there nothing left to say...
nothing left to think of ea other...
Y tell me u miss me on the fone when we say our goodbye?
seems like u r juz saying it as a routine...
do you really miss me?

Mayb it's juz wat we can't change...
i can't change the fact that i'm always saying hurting words to him...
it hurts me to say those things... it hurts him as well...
can't change the fact that I'm insecured...
like i've said... I'm not suited for a relationship...

Msg ben that i was sad... very sad... and a good nite to him...
was waiting very much for him to reply or call me...
but nothing at all....
guess i was hoping too much... crying alone...
why is this happening???
it's so frustrating!!!
why won't it dry???

been thinking abt us once more...
yes... i think too much...
read too much on relationships...
i shld juz enjoy our time together rite?
i can't i can't i can't....
it hurts so much... but i guess things wld happened again...
history wld repeat itself...
crying alone is nv wat i wan...
y can't he see that????!!!
it's a mutual thing...
i can't be there for him when he needed me....
so he won't be here for me...
i guess Jul's rite... He's not suited for me...
though i love him so much... but i noe...
the more we stay together... the more we can't leave without ea other...
because we got so use to ea other's presence...

i've decided once again to run away fr problems...
i noe it's wrong but it's the safest route that i can choose...
i noe he'll hate me... but i know if i don't let go now...
it'll juz end up hurting the both of us...
we both know... these 4 months had been hard...
ben said before... being in this relationship was sad to him but if he din had this relationship he wld be more upset...
to me... why cont this relationship when i see tears in his eyes...
if it's gonna keep on hurting the both of us...
won't it better to let go???
it not that I don't love him.. I do.. I really do...
Sitting in front of the screen n typing all these...
i'm in tears once more...
it's hard to let him go...
it really is... but i noe...
if it has to hurt... let it just hurt me...
juz let him hate me...
it'll perhaps be better....
he doesn't deserve a girl like me...
he deserves much better... someone who can share his woes...
someone who is not a burden to him... someone who is kind, lovable and good looking.... someone that's opp of me... sry...

i'm at it once again... sad to say..
but I dun deserve to be happy...
i'm a siner....

Nil posted 11:52 PM

am i still alive?

necromancer

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AboUt ME!!!

I'm a MartiaN living on Earth hence, my nick MOE! been here for 19 years nw, Earthling lifestyle suits me fine... main obj. on Earth is to learn all abt the species call Humans... and of course how to get along well with them... Have Earthling parents, and an Earthling sister who's a pain in e neck... Love my life here, 6 years of a pri. sch girl at Fuhua, 4 Yeas to call myself a CrEsCenTiAn, 2 years to PJC and another 3-4 years to come to b a NUS student... haha... Looking at what more this Earth can give this poor old martian... lolx...

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Nata has lotsa loves... haha... Nata loves to eat, drink and slp.... Reading comics is one of her fav. past time, nt forgetting being online... loves to hang out at GAS HAUS loCaTeD at MIDDLE RD wif Glen, Rach, Jon, Ben... Loves all her Frens esp. GlendA, JuliEt, Tse-Tse Fly, Phy, WakeY, Rach Lam, Connie, Ivy, Eddie, Gerald, Kee Onn, Robert... Loves all her Brothers: Shi Yang, Jeremy, Jonathan, Linus, Edward, John, Joseph Love her eye candy: Hong Seng... Love music by Jay Chou, Jacky Cheung, Zhang Xin Zhe.... Love her N6131... and... MOSt of ALL... Nata love her dear... Uncle Ben... :P

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

necromancer

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